roast chicken on a platter

This was the funniest thing I read on the Internets all week. It became even funnier after reading the original article referenced.

“This can’t be real.”

“Is this a joke”

“Oh my. I can’t even.”

“Who would cut a cake with a sword?”

I hope this roasted chicken  is the best meal you eat this week. And please don’t use a saber to carve into it.

Roast Chicken with Fennel, Carrots, and Potatoes
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Prep Time
30 min
Cook Time
1 hr 30 min
Prep Time
30 min
Cook Time
1 hr 30 min
  1. One 4 pound chicken
  2. One fennel bulb
  3. One pound of carrots
  4. 5 to 6 small white potatoes
  5. 2 shallot bulbs
  6. Salt
  7. Freshly ground pepper
  8. 1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary
  9. 3 tablespoons olive oil
  10. 2 lemons, halved
  11. 1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
  12. 2 garlic cloves, minced.
  13. 1/2 cup of white wine
  14. Kitchen twine (optional)
  1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
  2. Chop the fronds (the green top) off of the fennel bulb. Set aside.
  3. Cut the fennel bulb into 1/2 inch wide slices, cutting across the grain.
  4. Peel and roughly chop the carrots, shallots, and potatoes. (You can leave the skin on the potatoes if you like).
  5. In a large bowl, combine the carrots, shallots, potatoes and fennel with one tablespoon of the olive oil.
  6. Season the vegetables with salt and pepper and about 1/2 of the chopped rosemary (1/2 tablespoon).
  7. Place the vegetables into a large roasting pan to form a bed for the chicken.
  8. Remove the chicken from its plastic wrapping.
  9. Then remove the giblets from the inside cavity. You can discard these or save them to make a gravy.
  10. Pat the chicken dry with paper towels. Be sure to soak up any moisture inside the cavity. You want the chicken to be as dry as possible before you season it.
  11. Generously season the inside of the chicken with salt and pepper. Then add the lemon halves and the reserved fennel frond to the chicken cavity.
  12. Optional: At this point you can truss the chicken, by bringing the legs forward and using the kitchen twine to tie them together.
  13. Tuck the wing tips under the chicken body.
  14. In a small bowl or liquid measuring cup, combine the remaining two tablespoons of olive oil, minced garlic and lemon juice.
  15. Rub the olive oil mixture all over the outside of the chicken.
  16. Then generously season the chicken with salt, pepper and remaining chopped rosemary.
  17. Place the seasoned chicken, breast side up, into the roasting pan on top of the vegetables.
  18. Lower the oven temperature to 400 degrees.
  19. Roast in the oven for 35 minutes.
  20. Remove the chicken from the oven and pour the 1/2 cup of white wine over the chicken and vegetables.
  21. Return the chicken to the oven and continue roasting for about another 45 minutes or until a meat thermometer inserted inside the thickest part of the thigh registers at least 180 degrees.
  22. Remove the chicken from the pan and place on a platter to rest for 15 minutes.
  23. Skim any excess fat off of the drippings that accumulated in the pan.
  24. After 15 minutes, carve the chicken and serve with the vegetables.
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